Who I Am

I wish that I could be loved To hold the hand of God That stars shining above Could ignite a lightning rod Many years and days alone I walked and prayed for you I no longer know my home I have searched to find your truth I sat by you on this shore Upon rocks in the sand Waiting to be adored Yet, refusing to take your hand I hear these waves crash and die Short lifespans savage, then gone I feel so still inside Always a bit withdrawn I wish that I could be loved To believe, to be with you To touch and to be touched As each night and day renew

Marry me, Lover And sing unto me A song of redemption To set our souls free I want to breathe the light To finally be with you So, let my spirit go Banish this dark within Flowing and unformed Into dust and wind On perfect wings, we float Here we can live again

Recently, I decided to purchase the book Huis Clos by Sartre due to having used the phrase, "L'enfer, c'est les autres" on a site of mine. If you aren't familiar with the phrase, it basically means, "Hell, it's other people." At the time I selected that phrase, I had been pretty disappointed at the world in general and the people around me. As a true internet dork who is pretty well incapable of easy exchanges with other people, I have oftentimes blamed others for my unhappiness with life. After purchasing the book (and I haven't yet read the book, since it's shipping from Amazon), I came to realize that the more applicable phrase for me would really be "L'enfer, c'est moi-même" or "Hell, it's myself." Why precisely would hell be me? If I'm honest with myself, then the decisions I make, places I go, people I meet and interact with, and the words I say are all my own doing. By blaming other people for any h...

I'm going to start posting sysadmin-type things on this blog. I haven't done much writing other than technical recently. Posts here will focus on shorter snippets of information that I recently found out and want to pass along (mainly so I remember them myself). Using @reboot in crontab -e I recently discovered that the time interval @reboot can be used to start something upon server boot up. An example of this might be some script that you run continuously but that isn't set in /etc/init.d as a service to start on reboot (chkconfig service on). How it would be used is the following: @reboot command Let's say I have a script installed onto my machine to log every minute for the load and other processes. It won't restart on server reboot, so I could do the following for it in crontab -e (/var/spool/cron/root): @reboot nohup ~/pathtoscript & Grabbing the top level listing of permissions and ownership for a folder Normally, I'd been using the following for a fo...

There's a bird in a tree and he's singing to me An enchanting love song of springtimes long gone Oh, please don't fly away Come here and stay Flutter your wings in the breeze Sing, sweetly please Be here with me When I tight close my eyes, such a vision devise Where light patterns grow; where these shadows will go Whence they have sprung As this bird's song is sung To undo what's been done Back, bring me back My family Yet a crow's cawing loud in this harsh winter shroud Hopping around in his cold leafless tree Oh, do get thee away Here must I stay Listening to your wretched tune Where death is never far But never soon

I long to die To fall through these holes To a space that doesn't exist Suspended in time I tried for years To forget who I am To live each day as a day Without tears Without any regrets So I've prayed and prayed Here I've stayed and stayed I have waited around Hoping, wishing Hanging onto a vision But nothing has changed Beyond the wrinkles and veins Blood coursing through me Breaths going in and out Brooding in fear and in doubt What is the point of it all I can't be alone I can't be with you I can't be with anyone It's the plain, simple truth I long to die To fall through these holes To a space that doesn't exist I can't continue to live

Ingredients 1 lb chicken thighs, already boned 3 eggs beaten with a whisk 1/2 cup cornstarch for egg mixture 2 tsp cornstarch for sauce mixture 5 dried pepper pods (using mexican dried pepper pods is fine) 1 & 1/2 tbsp rice vinegar 3 tbsp rice wine 1 & 1/2 tbsp sugar 4 tbsp soy sauce 1 and 1/2 tbsp hoisin sauce 1/2 tbsp garlic 1 tsp grated ginger root Directions Step 1 Mixing - In a large bowl, blend 1/2 cup of cornstarch and the pre-beaten eggs using a wire whisk until thoroughly combined. Should be a lemony yellow color at this point. Cut up the chicken pieces (de-boned thigh meat) into bite size pieces (around 6-8 pieces per full thigh piece), then add the chicken to the egg mixture and toss to coat. Step 2 Mixing - In a small bowl, prepare the sauce mixture by combining 2 tsp cornstarch with the rice wine, rice vinegar, sugar, soy sauce, hoisin sauce, garlic and grated ginger root. For the ginger root, ensure to get fresh ginger root, then cut off the skin of it before gr...