Who I Am

shooting, shrieking stars of suffering anguish amidst our angst we angry apparitions who dance moving in misery mercurial motions of the zombie mob present yet history rotting and robbed cohesive absent cognizant thought crazed easily by carnal delights fleshy flights of fancy enthralled, entranced, endless such frenzied fantasies glut our corrupt minds while trace memories attract us with the artifacts of life plummeting into a bottomless pit bound by ethereal, eternal night smiling still as we slide and swirl hungering for our humanity incomplete, needing, greeding feeding never full

i Bright, filling up the night No clouds obstructing the light No colors taking away By the blueness of the day Slowly charting across the sky The moon rises to an apex In glimmering, majestic height Offering the only way These shadows that surround Which once I feared to walk through, Or to leave their midst Rather to drown, comforted in death Even a bit of light fills my emptiness Wiping away the dark Just as a fire started by a single spark Drives off the cold ii So, I must leave my soul to seek you Push my thoughts aside As I embrace the divine I become complete When I abandon all belief When I allow compassion to be my guide The golden rule will shine And my enemy is my own reflection Yet, I am not wise enough to leave My vision is not strong enough I cannot see to follow But if we join together When we walk together, we both become better So if I fall or you stumble Our hands would hold fast In good times, in bad Not clutching the past Until the last iii For my entire life, I was

I wonder why I should bother to care I look inside me and nothing is there I want to die but hope remains I want to live without these invisible chains that restrain I used to believe I would find my love A man to accept me, the only one So perfect, true, idealized Finally, I grew up and then I realized the lie I am meant to be alone for all time Fantasizing a touch which is not mine Stroking his hair, while parted lips Breathlessly slip into his soft, gentle kiss with bliss Oh, heavenly glow when two parts become whole When hearts combine to find a partner soul When colors burst into a rainbow of heat Two heart rhythms sharing a single beat A vision seductive, maddeningly so Pushing and pulling my thoughts to and fro Adrift in a sea of painful needs and wants Where the man of my dreams beckons and taunts So, why won't I accept just anyone? Why am I picky, expecting too much? I simply want to find this man My love, my one true companion my equal

I've destroyed your joy, your happiness Cut you into pieces with bits of glass I never realized the power I had To tear you up and make you feel sad Every tear that falls as you cry, as you bawl It's all my fault I've destroyed your entire life, your pride When I made you my embittered wife Took away every shred of decency Snatched away your morals and beliefs Left you tossed about in a sea of doubts Threw you out to sink I've brought you to the brink gasping for air Without anyone who even cared Without a friend to hold your hand No-one to bring you safely back to land Then when you did come back to earth I let you die of thirst In a thankless desert I wonder why I've been so mean Why haven't I seen what you've seen? I can't visualize this monster you describe The reflection of me in your beautiful eyes The man who you blame for each and every thing Even the cheapness of your blessed wedding ring I wish I had known I was such scum Now, I do, so really--

Mirror mirror on this wall I can't seem to find my face Am I lucid? Awake? Why do I disintegrate When I touch the silver surface Slither through, slip into The other side So cold within I know I've died, yet here Is where I remain Why don't I disappear? Not even my despair Can repair my disgrace Nothing can start this lifeless heart Nor replace the lives I must take The innocent blood I taste Each day I trace My finger along the cracked glass Thinking back to when A simple cut, a slash On my skin would make me cringe The very sight of blood I would turn away Now, the very nourishment I crave Without it I go insane Everything was about me Never considered another No true friend nor lover Any tears I cried were for me Fixated on my pain To be or not to be Without meaning for me If I must endure Without living, without seeing Never believing, always deceiving Narcissism, sin, self-loathing my skin A wolf wearing a wolf's clothing Never pretending to care While pretending I

Saturate, separate Ideas and thoughts pieces to the clandestine key Words that alienate Not designed to instigate Not written to please Is it a crime to be blunt outside? Ripping, tearing at the cracks Existing without color inside Immersed in blacks Stuff us in this little box Because we won't sing along We'll never belong We look out from a place you can't see No-one here for company But the shadows and sadness with us Waiting to be freed Are we the light when all is gone The faith that right can become wrong An onyx flame engulfing all As a song trumpets a battle call Leading to the fall Are we the ones you want to fear What makes us something to hate Open up the box To quickly peer inside Releasing those within who hide: Death, hope and disease This uses the lyrics' syllable pattern for "The Leaving Song" although I've made line breaks differently than many might for the song stanzas. I did take creative license and repeated the syllables for the secon

Born at the beginning of time After the tree of life formed Below water dripped and poured Forming a well where hazel acorns fell A salmon ate those seeds until he knew Everything that's good and true All the evil and vile strife Forged from the infinity of life Thus, he awaits in soft sunlight By the blackened pool of night In balmy days with sky blue When storms strike, it is here he stays for you Wading within the well in water still Almost like he's pining for A lover he once adored Longing to see your face before he died He knows your name and what you seek He knows the path is long and bleak He knows the stars guide you at night He knows you are good, just and right He knows that some will block your way He knows some will force you to slay He knows you are the one to free The world from pain, death, and disease So now you have come, simple one He would shout out in high joy But for the saddest of news You must dine on freshly caught fish tonight By the flicker and flam