Who I Am

"Once," he began, "I made the mistake of taking a ride with a couple. My wife and I had been fighting all day about my junky car, which was in the shop, and about our lack of money (our most popular debate topics), and so I went out with friends to a bar. At that time, I was living in the Naval base in Oakland, California. The bar was a regular hangout for me and my naval buddies, only located about 15 miles from the base. My friends decided to leave early, but I didn't feel like going home to another tirade yet, so I stayed there until closing time. I had been chatting with a middle-aged couple at the bar, a man named Patrick and his wife Evyline. They were pretty friendly and I thought I'd seen them in the bar from prior visits. When I was getting ready to leave, I realized I didn't bring enough money to pay for a taxi." "'Oh, we could take you home,' Evyline noted. 'We go in that direction anyway.' Evyline looked at her husband wi

Do you stand by the gate and watch As the world passes by Singing a sad song Hiding tears, waving goodbye Do you watch the children playing Having fun as each year rolls on Or, see the lovers holding hands Kissing as they stroll along Do you notice the old man walking his dog He has a silver cane and his steps are slow The dog yanks him to go faster But time is precious this old man knows Can you see me watching you I am always here, too Standing at another gate in shadow Never going anywhere; nothing to do We could come out together Greet as old friends would Meet in the park and talk Stroll along these cracked, lonely sidewalks We will never do this, though Always imprisoned in watching the world Never joining, never leaving Always standing still

I As I listen to the night In silence, in calm Worries of the day pass away Lights fade as I slip into shade On the edge of my mind Softly take my hand Freedom is on our lips Dancing in the moonlight Amongst the embers Rainbows glitter in the day What gentle light waves Exist in nighttime gloom To cascade in gentle rays Up to the crescent moon Fireflies and feathery moths Colors darkened within muted tones In the still, what a thrill To close your eyes To slip away To take the final boat ride To that final place A final breath; a final thought Hovering above me now Takes its last long journey Releasing into the air On the periphery Branching out, then rejoining there II On the edge My mind Periphery Not just a state or time I don't know you Even though you stare back In my mirror You appear there But you are not my face I don't recognize you Not a single trace My life is gone now I only feel an empty place A bitter aftertaste I'm sinking Sometimes slowly Other times quicker

Selfishly Greedy me where everything, everyone directly relates to one world revolving around the sun Who I am I never have a life as much as I berate moan and groan, deprecate I'll never be a wife who then can I blame? sitting alone, every day the same Here again in this poem talking about myself focusing on the shell where cracks dwell where parts are broken The future is not with me nor in my hands the future lies dormant without any seeds abandoned plans So if I never have a life How can I complain? Is this a shame? Yes, I'll never have a child but always be my own never fully grown Selfishly Greedy me I could be someone instead I focus intently on what I'll never be Who I am

This poem was written for my World of Endar online, interactive narrative. I haven't finished the online novel, but I have a few poems for it. My picture on here is actually one of my Endar characters called Elista. She's one of the blue elves and a major character in the series. old and new, waiting for you over the hills and under the sun waiting for you as life has just begun waiting for you as long as can be waiting for you and waiting for me here again we go together my friend through these woods deep as sorrow here again we travel away into every day through mountains and glens unto tomorrow gilding and golden, sapling in green dusty and dark, white into stark the colors abound throughout our journey spreading into our hearts at what has been seen making us age at wisdom's stages here we shall see all of life's majesty in the oceans and ponds and what is beyond footsteps echoing onto hard ground voices fading out until they have no sound finally we arrive where w

Inside me, my heart beats It sounds and resounds Hammering, pounding Blood pumping in and out The physical side I seem fine I live my life and die This organ grows older Deteriorating slowly However, the heart has a second side The non-material, immortal The sad and happy The uncaring and caring As I age, this heart breaks Then mends, then breaks again Like a violin's strings Playing bittersweet songs Someday, my corporeal heart will stop Pulsing one last time My body, my mind will stop in kind Then from me, my spirit will fly Out of the true heart inside

I met you long ago before I was even born When the stars were written in the sky The moon and sun were still young And Eternity had just begun You and I would play in whispers Softly singing in our souls Merged and melding; warmth and flame Together we were always the same Finally, we became separate, Forced out into the world To live this cold, cold life Feeling the vast emptiness inside Since we were planned beforehand: We were incomplete, not fully whole We could still sense the other And such pain was unbearable Standing there, I first saw you, A slight smile lighting your face You glanced over and noticed me From then, we knew we were meant to be Not just for longing, not just in lust We knew the missing part of our souls at once Our hearts finally brought back together Now meshing forever: The same