I'm not exactly happy with this poem. I didn't feel inspired to finish it when I started it a few days ago and wasn't sure where to go with it. Since I'm tired trying to figure out where to go, I just forced it to be finished tonight. It's based on the lyric syllable pattern for "Silver and Cold" by AFI and not nearly as beautiful as that song happens to be.
Sublime droplets of rain
Drizzle dewy freshness sink
Into the opened skin, then drain
Within the hollow of my being
My eyes wide, unseeing
Hushed before daylight's bitter decay
These sins are too great
No, never forgiven
These sins are too great
To comprehend this living,
Continue onward anymore:
Heartless, shadow, empty core
Heavy water pours
Through--fill up the soul
From their love, angels sob
A vessel, clay and shallow
Created to hold nourishment
Cracks beyond the surface; leaking out
Discolored, silvery substances
Warp and weaken the body
Sliding it slowly into damp ground
These sins are too harsh
To bear, remember...despair
These sins are too harsh
My heart, trying never to care,
Beating as the blood flows out
Silent screams echo and shout
Dear God, lead me not
Into temptation
Forgive me all
Each, every blasphemy
Forgive this life
Wrapped in cold, watery deceit
Forgive, forget
Take these memories, debts,
Regrets--leave me
Take all my pain away
Tear and rip; strip these clean
Every impure thought, obscene
Day passing away
So beautiful, so vague
Day passing away
Light phasing out between the lines
One second, forms bright, glimmer
Shudder then recover, shine
Now, suddenly blind
Without sight or mind
Falling into night
Magnificent in shadows
Falling into night
No voices crying now, silent
No prayers are forming now
No savior left to avow
My sins into me
My sins are me
My sins out of me
So all can be seen:
No longer hidden inside
Sublime droplets of rain
Drizzle dewy freshness sink
Into the opened skin, then drain
Within the hollow of my being
My eyes wide, unseeing
Hushed before daylight's bitter decay
These sins are too great
No, never forgiven
These sins are too great
To comprehend this living,
Continue onward anymore:
Heartless, shadow, empty core
Heavy water pours
Through--fill up the soul
From their love, angels sob
A vessel, clay and shallow
Created to hold nourishment
Cracks beyond the surface; leaking out
Discolored, silvery substances
Warp and weaken the body
Sliding it slowly into damp ground
These sins are too harsh
To bear, remember...despair
These sins are too harsh
My heart, trying never to care,
Beating as the blood flows out
Silent screams echo and shout
Dear God, lead me not
Into temptation
Forgive me all
Each, every blasphemy
Forgive this life
Wrapped in cold, watery deceit
Forgive, forget
Take these memories, debts,
Regrets--leave me
Take all my pain away
Tear and rip; strip these clean
Every impure thought, obscene
Day passing away
So beautiful, so vague
Day passing away
Light phasing out between the lines
One second, forms bright, glimmer
Shudder then recover, shine
Now, suddenly blind
Without sight or mind
Falling into night
Magnificent in shadows
Falling into night
No voices crying now, silent
No prayers are forming now
No savior left to avow
My sins into me
My sins are me
My sins out of me
So all can be seen:
No longer hidden inside
Comments
In any case, I really like the water imagery used in the beginning of the poem.
It is a beautiful song, and I think it's an near impossible task to do what you just did.