Who I Am

"Life is difficult!" I cry out tonight, So an angel from heaven Is sent to be by my side. He swoops down on mighty wings Amidst tumultuous skies. Black forces, pent up and waiting, Strike him down as he flies. In my dream, I see him. I open up my eyes. An angel stands there bleeding, Injured and dying. "Yes, life is difficult," The angel lets me know. "You are stronger than me: You have a human soul." "You can repair my wounds; You can restore my life; You can keep me safe Until I'm well and right." The way to keep an angel safe Is to close your eyes and dream, So I lay back to sleep While he rests right next to me. In my dream, I watch over him Rather than him watching over me. I touch his hand and feel his pain. I see visions of him as a man. "You are in love with this man. He's a reflection of my light. Someday, you'll be together, But not in this lifetime." As I heal the angel, I ...

I wish that I could be loved To hold the hand of God That stars shining above Could ignite a lightning rod Many years and days alone I walked and prayed for you I no longer know my home I have searched to find your truth I sat by you on this shore Upon rocks in the sand Waiting to be adored Yet, refusing to take your hand I hear these waves crash and die Short lifespans savage, then gone I feel so still inside Always a bit withdrawn I wish that I could be loved To believe, to be with you To touch and to be touched As each night and day renew

Marry me, Lover And sing unto me A song of redemption To set our souls free I want to breathe the light To finally be with you So, let my spirit go Banish this dark within Flowing and unformed Into dust and wind On perfect wings, we float Here we can live again

Recently, I decided to purchase the book Huis Clos by Sartre due to having used the phrase, "L'enfer, c'est les autres" on a site of mine. If you aren't familiar with the phrase, it basically means, "Hell, it's other people." At the time I selected that phrase, I had been pretty disappointed at the world in general and the people around me. As a true internet dork who is pretty well incapable of easy exchanges with other people, I have oftentimes blamed others for my unhappiness with life. After purchasing the book (and I haven't yet read the book, since it's shipping from Amazon), I came to realize that the more applicable phrase for me would really be "L'enfer, c'est moi-même" or "Hell, it's myself." Why precisely would hell be me? If I'm honest with myself, then the decisions I make, places I go, people I meet and interact with, and the words I say are all my own doing. By blaming other people for any h...

I'm going to start posting sysadmin-type things on this blog. I haven't done much writing other than technical recently. Posts here will focus on shorter snippets of information that I recently found out and want to pass along (mainly so I remember them myself). Using @reboot in crontab -e I recently discovered that the time interval @reboot can be used to start something upon server boot up. An example of this might be some script that you run continuously but that isn't set in /etc/init.d as a service to start on reboot (chkconfig service on). How it would be used is the following: @reboot command Let's say I have a script installed onto my machine to log every minute for the load and other processes. It won't restart on server reboot, so I could do the following for it in crontab -e (/var/spool/cron/root): @reboot nohup ~/pathtoscript & Grabbing the top level listing of permissions and ownership for a folder Normally, I'd been using the following for a fo...

There's a bird in a tree and he's singing to me An enchanting love song of springtimes long gone Oh, please don't fly away Come here and stay Flutter your wings in the breeze Sing, sweetly please Be here with me When I tight close my eyes, such a vision devise Where light patterns grow; where these shadows will go Whence they have sprung As this bird's song is sung To undo what's been done Back, bring me back My family Yet a crow's cawing loud in this harsh winter shroud Hopping around in his cold leafless tree Oh, do get thee away Here must I stay Listening to your wretched tune Where death is never far But never soon

I long to die To fall through these holes To a space that doesn't exist Suspended in time I tried for years To forget who I am To live each day as a day Without tears Without any regrets So I've prayed and prayed Here I've stayed and stayed I have waited around Hoping, wishing Hanging onto a vision But nothing has changed Beyond the wrinkles and veins Blood coursing through me Breaths going in and out Brooding in fear and in doubt What is the point of it all I can't be alone I can't be with you I can't be with anyone It's the plain, simple truth I long to die To fall through these holes To a space that doesn't exist I can't continue to live