Who I Am

Selfishly Greedy me where everything, everyone directly relates to one world revolving around the sun Who I am I never have a life as much as I berate moan and groan, deprecate I'll never be a wife who then can I blame? sitting alone, every day the same Here again in this poem talking about myself focusing on the shell where cracks dwell where parts are broken The future is not with me nor in my hands the future lies dormant without any seeds abandoned plans So if I never have a life How can I complain? Is this a shame? Yes, I'll never have a child but always be my own never fully grown Selfishly Greedy me I could be someone instead I focus intently on what I'll never be Who I am

This poem was written for my World of Endar online, interactive narrative. I haven't finished the online novel, but I have a few poems for it. My picture on here is actually one of my Endar characters called Elista. She's one of the blue elves and a major character in the series. old and new, waiting for you over the hills and under the sun waiting for you as life has just begun waiting for you as long as can be waiting for you and waiting for me here again we go together my friend through these woods deep as sorrow here again we travel away into every day through mountains and glens unto tomorrow gilding and golden, sapling in green dusty and dark, white into stark the colors abound throughout our journey spreading into our hearts at what has been seen making us age at wisdom's stages here we shall see all of life's majesty in the oceans and ponds and what is beyond footsteps echoing onto hard ground voices fading out until they have no sound finally we arrive where w...

Inside me, my heart beats It sounds and resounds Hammering, pounding Blood pumping in and out The physical side I seem fine I live my life and die This organ grows older Deteriorating slowly However, the heart has a second side The non-material, immortal The sad and happy The uncaring and caring As I age, this heart breaks Then mends, then breaks again Like a violin's strings Playing bittersweet songs Someday, my corporeal heart will stop Pulsing one last time My body, my mind will stop in kind Then from me, my spirit will fly Out of the true heart inside

I met you long ago before I was even born When the stars were written in the sky The moon and sun were still young And Eternity had just begun You and I would play in whispers Softly singing in our souls Merged and melding; warmth and flame Together we were always the same Finally, we became separate, Forced out into the world To live this cold, cold life Feeling the vast emptiness inside Since we were planned beforehand: We were incomplete, not fully whole We could still sense the other And such pain was unbearable Standing there, I first saw you, A slight smile lighting your face You glanced over and noticed me From then, we knew we were meant to be Not just for longing, not just in lust We knew the missing part of our souls at once Our hearts finally brought back together Now meshing forever: The same

I've tried to hide who I am To pray each day would pass away Through Facade, Lies, Pretend Never knowing what to say I have locked myself into a room Shut the windows and barred them tight Blocked the light to let in gloom Fraught with unwillingness and fright Some have talent and let it go Others only an ember which fuels a flame Creating a fire filled with smoke Leading to mastery and fame Instead I sit to watch the chill Enter this room to freeze me more Any warmth turns to ice in the still Words become taxed, labored, a chore I've hidden well who I am I would pray each day yet it flees away In the thoughtlessness where sadness begins Slowly leading to my grave

Hear my heart to sing to me As stars sink slowly on the horizon As the moon slowly drifts away As the sun softly rises See my eyes, look at me for once Not thinking of you or your wants Only to me, inside me, to see who I am Touching my private thoughts Believe in me and my dreams Lift me up to the horizon On a pedestal of gold blazing toward the sun To envelop me in warmth Tell me who you are now, my love Let me know you as you have known me Intimate, souls combining Merging and yet unique Hear our hearts singing together As stars slowly rise in the night sky As the moon emerges from shadow Clear and bright shining over eternity

Incense burns nearby wafting, assaulting me in heady daze Colors coalesce, shift within vibrant hues Then blaze then dull to swerve to greys Noises drift off as I turn into a side street Cobblestones crumbling lined by stark walls A faint humming from an open window Where laundry hangs flapping in the breeze Even more distant horns beeping, voices call From the marketplace where vendors and patrons meet My steps are random, slow and unsure Thoughts trying to form into a single line What dark melody in my mind does then bestir With a single word paramount, a single place lost in doubt To understand my musings, when the lure of possibility takes hold How trains of thought are found then lost How dreams spin in and out First hear the story then decide Once upon a time there was a maiden who had a dream In that dream the maiden is myself, living a few years hence In a land on the coast of Africa where green valleys drop into the sea In a white house on a hill above the valley In a place wh...