Who I Am

Haven't read "1 The First Sign" yet? Go read it here ! 2 - Swirling into Darkness After that night, I tried to be around other people as much as possible, not walking alone or staying out very late. Eventually, only a few weeks later, I had already convinced myself that it was all a hallucination of some sorts and re-initiated myself into my declining morality. I was more out of control now having glimpsed the terror of death, trying to enjoy life to its fullest. I would dance every night. I began using narcotics I had passed up before. I avoided being alone at every opportunity and would take home partners one after the other each night. It didn’t matter if it was the same or a different one (on some occasions more than one) so long as I had someone with me. I started leaving lights on at the first blush of dusk until daybreak. When I did sleep at night rather than during the day, I would have vivid nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat to realize that I had slum...

Where It All Begins If you are fond of vampire tales or other macabre manifestations of the night, you might have noticed a trend for redundancy in such narratives. “Damned for Eternity” is a short novella that attempts to put a new twist on the blood suckers of yore. Teaser excerpt from later in the story: The vampire smiled at me with the teeth bared. Its eyes piercing me with a cold, metallic glint as it softly whispered in clear-cut tones of finality close enough to me so that I could feel no breath brushing my cheek with each word, “We do not cast shadows as we are shadows, shades, darkness, night. We are evil from hell and hell-bound. We come from the Inferno to collect the souls of man to damn each one forever and ever. If you do not believe in us or our Maker, then you are not saved and will live with us in eternal night for all time.” A pale, bluish hand, razor thin with nails delicately pointed, reached up to brush against my face in the lightest caress. I could feel the cool...

I should note that most of the poems I'm putting up here are older as I'm trying to get all my okay to better poems online on this blog so I have a list of them. Before, they were all on my forum writing site and harder to group. Anyway, I should date these so people don't think they are new pieces, since I don't think they are as good as some I've already posted. Melody without any music plays in my head today A faded, melancholic tune repeating senselessly Streaming thoughts with distant patterns continue endlessly I have tried too many times to banish them away without success Hapless happenstance; hopeless circumstance equally moot Sitting and silently waiting while nothing truly changes Stout walls, a half-cracked mirror, books with yellow and curled pages Dreams of long ago have lost their romance or truth only to regress Drying, wasted tears redden on a parched and paling face The fears of all the days leading onward cling to each other Where I am alone with...

This is the first poem I wrote in 2002 after more than a 10 year hiatus from poetry. It has some minor issues that detract from it being just right and no matter how much I've re-edited it, I can never seem to get it to be entirely perfect. I reclined for awhile along the river bank Watching the water eddy and flow Watching the stones I threw as they sank The moon slipping with a silver glow As I sat, I started to ponder more and more While the water flowed slower, then stilled No more ripples cast out to the sandy shore I felt the stagnant peace; I lost my will I stayed longer yet, ceasing to move No longer breathing or being, nothing left Content to watch with all thought removed Void of excitement, blank, bereft In the distance, a whirlwind was swirling I watched as it stirred along the trees Wanting to escape my boredom I fell onto my knees I prayed to become one with the whirlwind To let it take me away Prayed to escape my lethargy Regardless of anguish or pain Soon my prayer ...

Another poem intended for my Endar narratives. This one is really structurally needing set in pre-formatted text for the visual aspect, which conveys whispered content for the left-most italicized portion as the other part of the poem is being spoken/sung. softly, soft...... follow me to the shadows deep ..........lost blo where mermaids pass by in drunken sleep ..wind to my home as eels electrify each naked eye .................. while the waves above drift low then high .......blow....... swim with me sweet, beloved dear .............lost to music the harpies play for us here ...........i..one sailors to catch my glimpse would die .................. let us float 'til on the reef we lie.... .................. lift your head, love, lift your heart to i.............. let the dark, vivid colors blend apart ....me here to me do not fear this water clear ..........see..... do not fear should we disappear.... .................. what will be love with soft words gone ..................

I What further seeds of wisdom need I seek When all my thoughts are yet mean and bleak; When endless knowledge results not in truth, Nor in sagacity, but in a shadowy, endless room? I have pursued the infinite, whispering wind. To what end? May I still sadly belate. To watch my fears slowly, softly take me hold, Or silently to behold the swirling tides explode. What more use have I in picking flowers If I should only to stand to wait beside the hours, The days, each second counting the soul: Wasted, gone with everything before my eyes unknown. All doubts duly teaming tear my fragile sanity from sight As the lethargy, committing me to early death, delights. As for you, quick death, could I breath anew? Or, would again my doubts continue to ensue? Happiness, in lively step I should cheer; Melting to pure ecstasy would my memories but leave me here, But these shadows beyond should conspire to pull me back. Damn this eternity! Damn this wretched, infernal trap! No other bonds, indeed, desp...

I Should I wait to tell you too late (or not at all) How you are the one who I love I have thoughts of no other man Only you should make me happy or sad But as I debate, time turns her naked eyes Forcing me to face this vacant life Where, without you, the memories dully line the walls In a chamber as empty as it is small I have no desire to forget this fire For the passion which keeps me awake each night Which harkens your face to my mind Has stirred the true spirit inside Yet, the fear and doubt do never cease I cannot banish them by any pleas Would I rather to let you go, Then to allow my heart to show? Rejection is a constant barrier to my designs, To these facts of love I try to hide After all, if I am unsure of myself Why should I put us both through hell But purity does not guide me from you For my departure is one of the two evils I choose No matter if we were really meant to be Nothing can take me from this path I lead II My dear, I can but call you here Any other sign could te...