Who I Am

I'm not exactly happy with this poem. I didn't feel inspired to finish it when I started it a few days ago and wasn't sure where to go with it. Since I'm tired trying to figure out where to go, I just forced it to be finished tonight. It's based on the lyric syllable pattern for "Silver and Cold" by AFI and not nearly as beautiful as that song happens to be. Sublime droplets of rain Drizzle dewy freshness sink Into the opened skin, then drain Within the hollow of my being My eyes wide, unseeing Hushed before daylight's bitter decay These sins are too great No, never forgiven These sins are too great To comprehend this living, Continue onward anymore: Heartless, shadow, empty core Heavy water pours Through--fill up the soul From their love, angels sob A vessel, clay and shallow Created to hold nourishment Cracks beyond the surface; leaking out Discolored, silvery substances Warp and weaken the body Sliding it slowly into damp ground These sins are too h...

I run with the kite in the field All the stars shining brightly The clear, moon-filled sky's expanse stretches wide String trailing behind me The kite lifts as I tug and pull A sharp jerk, I don't let it go Now, it's soaring high I let out more cord as it sails Above the ground, a sky ship Colorful in day, by night delicate Muted greys swerve and dip Yellow tails flutter from the bow As I slowly release more rope How far can it fly? Morning star on the horizon Near where the sun will be rising Dawn will soon arrive I remove small silver scissors Which glint in the twilight Setting the spool of coil onto the ground I look at the kite Kneeling down on my knees I snip the rope and release "Lord, send my prayers to him please" The kite, now free, rushes away My letter tied up with it sways With all of my hopes Every single word I could say I lay my head down on cool grass To find peace at last

This entry is about the book I am planning to self-publish within the next year. The title will be Lucid Lines from an Insane Mind , because I love the paradoxical nature of lucidity stemming from insanity. The book is going to be 5 sections with 15 poems each, 5 interlude poems and 1 final poem, totaling 81 poems (9 is my favorite number, 8 + 1 = 9, so cool beans). I now have 67 poems for it, so I have 14 poems remaining to write to complete it. Woohoo! Here is my proposed outline for this book as it stands now: **Dulcet Tones** [Part One] Clear and Sweet The sun is brightly shining overhead as we bask in its warmth. # Bask in Your Light # Dreaming # Hear My Heart # Meant To Be Interlude I Late afternoon filters the air with a lazy tone, and we slip into a short, lighthearted break. # I Wish I Could Pangs Slowly sinking on the horizon, the sun washes everything in soft pastels. # My True Heart # Glances # Forever # Strangers in the Day # If I Love You # Letting Go of My Heart # Bathed...

You were my baby Tiny tabby cat You were so dainty Sitting on my lap You followed me around Grey inquisitive eyes Slept gently beside me In my bed every night I held you tight I couldn't let you go You never got any bigger Why didn't you grow The vet said your heart It wasn't strong enough I heard it beating While my own heart was bleeding You died in that cold office Only three months old You were my baby The sweetest cat I have known

Hear me out This story starts long, long ago When men roamed the earth on foot Crossed seas with boats made of wood Prayed to their gods for strong crops A woman, lively and fair, Combing her hair absently, Into the courtyard lightly Stepped without a thought or care Wanton eyes her beauty spied Dreadful blight inside this mind No other maid could he find Nor a more lush, ethereal bride Hear my tale Obsession spurs his action He delights her with magic Showing her card tricks, tragic Plying her simple senses Naive, sweet--a finer man She had yet to ever meet She bows, takes his hand to greet Unrolls the glove on her hand Kissing her pale skin, he smiles Leads her dreamy, dazed, astray Away from prying eyes, betrays His guile succeeds; Her throat bleeds Hear her die This is going to be part of the poems for my "Damned for Eternity" vampire novella, which I should put onto the site tomorrow for the first 2 chapters finally finally. I didn't want to post the comment before t...

Okay, so I just wrote this to prove (to me) that I can force myself to write a happy poem. This is happy, no doubt about it. It didn't even take that long to write (about 10 minutes). Golden hair, golden eyes The happiest day of my life The day you were born to me The brightest flame I've ever seen Your skin so soft; your breath so sweet You place kisses onto my cheeks Cuddle and sleep, hugging me tight Dream with a smile through the night Dark is not dark when you are here Light is the brightest: I have no fear I can't wait for every day Watching you as you play We dance and sing, run free Picking dandelions with glee Blowing the seeds out into the air While pink ribbons float from your hair I realize someday you will grow Yes, I'll have to let you go Until then, I bask in your light Where all is good and right

Having some more fun using a song's lyrics syllable pattern here other than the very last line where I had to go 5 syllables rather than 6. I'm so mean as I have no intention to say what song either. If you guess it, I'll write a poem just for you, though, how about that? Not sure that's such a great prize haha The children are jumping rope here Each skip on the sidewalk a heartbeat A small girl drawing lines in chalk Others play hide and seek Soon our recess will be over The bell will ring, we'll go back in For another lesson to learn We'll dream at the window For summer's return Time suspends in this instant The loss of the innocent A child falls down and gasps The rest crowd around to stare Teachers unaware "Are you okay, what's the matter?" Pale, the boy's hand grasps mine I peer into his sad blue eyes Confused, I don't understand in time Silently I simply stand, see Watch it all; part of me Never to forget Time must move onward, fo...

I have a vampire story that I'm supposed to be working on today, but it's obvious I must not want to do that since I keep writing poems instead. Here's a new one that's damn depressing. I'm not depressed, though, so go me. Wandering, fading away Leaves flutter and fly The tree is broken, decayed While this chill wind dies I place myself on the ground Resting these grave limbs My thoughts in tumult, unsound With images of him He will not know, my chance lost, My chance to say gone My breath shivers, puffs of frost Release a sad song Wounded in my pride Why do I always hide Cover feelings with a smile Pretending I'm fine for awhile When will the mask slip The walls crumble and rip The emotions out, released The despised lies finally cease I am so tired on this earth So frozen, so sad Unsure what this life is worth What joy can be had I would leave here, get away Yet nothing would change Inside of me all is gray Bitter, jaded, aged Just a dead tree without leaves I...

This list is for me to track my poetry historically easier. I wrote many poems that I've lost from high school or that I have but they are dreadful, so they do not make the list. I'm not going to go back and date each of my poems on here individually, since my mind likes it better to see a list like this than any other way. My goal to see these is for when I self-publish on Lulu later this year for a book I'm going to entitle Lucid Lines from an Insane Mind . 1987-89 (in high school) # A Wandering Spirit - circa 1987, first poem ever written # Glances - circa 1989 # Forever - circa 1989 1991 (in college) # Shards in the Moonlight - circa 1991 # The Seeds of Wisdom - circa 1991, last poem written until 2001/2002, worked on Endar series instead during this timeframe 2001 (worked in insurance company at the time) # The Shadow's Deep - originally circa 1991, revised 2001 2002 (same job as prior year) # The Whirlwind - 2002 Oct 22 2003 (working at webhosting company i...

This piece really was just for fun. I've been reading some stream of consciousness sites and this is my attempt to even let go a bit of the typical arrangements I do for poems. It isn't meant to be anything good (and it frankly isn't), but I wanted to see what it would be like to try to just let go of words into simplest thought patterns, so I did. I don't expect a soul to like it, so don't worry that you don't. Also, it isn't technically stream of consciousness, since it isn't full thoughts but each of these words has meaning while I was thinking of them. lucid reality type fades day sinuous ridge matter heart heart ropes apart art landscape gravel dots digital pictures physical bubbles bursting upon the screen powdery chalk davey smiling bringing flowers ground spark mound grass merry-go-round metal cool sun sinking happiness joyful sun grinning cool night sky moonlight fireflies light goodnight Oh, I want to mention something as to one of the words, a...

I haven't had mass comments on the blog about this (just 2 so far), but hey people I don't expect you to be Jade to comment on my blog no matter what you might have to say about the poems. I figured I'd post this blog entry before I have a slew of people letting me know they aren't Jade. I'm happy with anyone providing input, including suggestions for improvement. If you are reading this and have no idea what I'm going on about, then I'd explain it all to you, but the mysteries in life are what make it worth living.

I am using the song pattern for one of my favorite songs for this poem's syllable pattern. Best of all, I'm not even going to say what song. Enjoy! On the playground swing, feet in the air She's humming softly, flowing black hair No other children play here today Almost dark as the sky's color fades away It's been a long day, too long, scary No friends besides imaginary To tell her secrets to Why can't she just stay here forever Floating on the wind, doing whatever Without pain, without fear Her head feels heavy Singing with eyes closed, sway back, sway forth She wants to sleep here, but can't of course Where can she go when she can't go home When she's sad and lonely and wholly alone It's been the worst day of her short life Worse than nightmares or screaming each night What more can she do now Who can she turn to without any friend No-one to help her, just lies, pretend All empty in the end She wishes she were a princess She wishes she were a g...

"I'd tell you how it haunts me" (AFI, This Time Imperfect) indigo petals softly line these satiny walls distant music plays colorful daisies gaily swinging into the breeze so bittersweet where are you only friend so very lost come again with me here cold inside come back dear while statues sleep in daytime shadows cutting deep from harsh sunlight too bright your eyes when suddenly emptied of life vast pools of dark time moves on pain remains here I stay to await no one else lonely days in my life of hell with no breath sad brown robin flies by; flowers on your coffin a last goodbye is this the end? emptiness

In that dark place inside Where somber shadows spy Deep into the unknown; down a rabbit hole Turning and twisting Thoughts collide Stagnant after a heavy rain Lie dreams within your brain Waiting to be unveiled Instead put onto another shelf Forgotten, sad and still Where only dusty remnants remain Occasionally, a soft light shines Bringing such joy into your eyes Illuminating the very core I reach out for your shimmering warmth When suddenly, you jump with me Off this highest cliff Battering us into a vacant shore Each time, picking up these fragments Leaves me bruised, battered, bent I can't piece us back again Nor will I pretend this is sane Until we both disappear Becoming specters, empty and spent Please follow me out of eternal night Where angels carve out our light Away from the unknown, guiding us both home Loving and embracing This Life

Written after seeing Blaqk Audio perform at the Mezzanine in San Francisco for New Year's (wonderful night, although I was extremely tired by the time 12:15am rolled around). Bathed in blue light shining Notes drifting down Once heavenbound You are whispering, sighing Deep into my soul Touching every spot Clear into these wanton depths Transparent and sheer For once, without fear No tears, no regret I know: I'm finally whole Ice cold melting hot This night cannot last forever Like a white swan's beauty fades Cascading in gentle resplendent waves With the sound dying out Until not a single beat remains And this heart is again silent